Saturday, December 26, 2009



Honey, It's been a long time coming
And I can't stop now
Such a long time running
And I can't stop now
Do you hear my heart beating
Can you hear that sound
Cause I can't help thinking
And I don't look down

And then I looked up at the sun
And I could see
Oh the way that gravity turns for you and me
And then I looked up at the sky and saw the sun
And the way that gravity pulls on everyone, on everyone

Baby, It's been a long time waiting
Such a long, long time
And I can't stop smiling
No I can't stop now
And do you hear my heart beating
Ah can you hear that sound
Cause I can't help crying
And I won't look down

And then I looked up at the sun and I could see
Oh the way that gravity turns on you and me
And then I looked up at the sun and saw the sky
And the way that gravity pulls on you and I, on you and I

Can you hear my heart beating
Can you hear that sound
Cause I can't help crying
And I wont look down

Tuesday, December 22, 2009


Sometimes I read through my old stuff and I wonder, Fuck, Why can't I be like that anymore

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I need help.

I try not to get frustrated with this situation, but I just don't understand why things are happening this way. If I am doing everything in my power to make you happy, and you say that you're happy, then why don't you look or act happy? I hate that I am the kind of person that will cater to the ones that I love. It is a good thing, but in this situation it is a bad thing. I am giving, giving, giving, and what am I getting in return? Nothing. Don't tell me everything is okay. It's not okay. If things were okay, we wouldn't be having this conversation over and over again.

You should never take anybody for granted, let alone somebody that you love. Why am I being put on the back burner? I once heard a quote about this, but all that I can remember from it is,

"You might wake up one day and realize that you lost the true diamond when you were busy collecting stones."

Something like that.

I wish he thought about that.

I know that I am a good person a good girlfriend-sister-daughter-friend.

I feel like I am the only one fighting for this relationship. You can't fight alone. You're supposed to be a team. I have worked for us this whole time. Our love is worth fighting for, but sometimes I need help.

Sunday, August 23, 2009


What do you do when the person who made you cry is the only one who could stop you from crying? What do you do when that person is gone? What do you do when you have a decision to make that can change your whole life? What do you do when your heart is telling you to do one thing and you do the other? How do you know if you made the right choice? How can you tell whether you're really happy or just pretending to be happy? How do you know if he will treat you right? How do you know you will forget him? How do you stop the heartache?

I was crying because he hurt me.

Now I cry because he is not here to help me stop.

Please god. Tell me I made the right choice.

Thursday, July 23, 2009


Sometimes life throws you a wake up call to remind you what is important. You don't realize how good you have it until something terrible happens, you never realize how important somebody is until you lose them, you never realize how good the weather is until a storm hits. Sometimes it's the other way around. You don't realize what you're putting up with until something great comes along.

I am happy.

Sunday, June 14, 2009


I am generally a nice, friendly, considerate, understanding person. I am not patient. I get annoyed fast, BUT it takes a lot to make me mad. I don't bottle things up. I just let them go. After a while though, if something keeps occurring, something that I would normally "let go," I become extremely aggravated. So here you go :)

What is the fucking point of somebody saying they are going to do something KNOWING that they won't. Don't say "maybe" don't say "probably" don't say "yes." Just say fucking no.
I am so sick of people doing this. Don't worry about people being disappointed because you can't do something. I would rather have somebody be disappointed with me than angry. Wouldn't you? It has gotten to the point to where I don't ask certain friends/family for a favor, or to do something with me. I really hate that I can't count on people. Especially when they are the people that you are supposed to go to. This is exactly why I NEVER want to depend on anybody. I would rather get things done myself in a longer period of time. Prideful? Probably. I don't care. 

If you are reading this and you feel like this may be you. Then it probably is. Don't ask me. I would rather you assume and feel guilty then to apologize to me, because I probably won't believe you anyway :)

Boy who cried wolf? Oh yeah. 

Thursday, May 28, 2009


I wrote this a while back, but it's still all the same

Tonight I told somebody about a person who has caused so much pain and anguish in my life.

Hearing myself talk about it makes me feel so pathetic for ever letting it happen.

I'm sure in his mind the situation was construed as young, petty love.

It almost seems that way.

I thought we were perfect for each other. I knew we belonged together.  It felt so right all along.

Never did I doubt it. Never did I doubt you.

The timing was just not right.

I went days, months, years with my heart on hold. On hold for you.

You put me on a shelf. You were saving me for something. For  nothing.

You made me believe all these things and just made a fool out of me.

So many tears I cried. I cried for you. I cried for me. I cried for us.

But there was never an "us". There was barely ever anything.

I said you make me so happy. But when is the last time you made me happy?

Did you really?

Because I can't think of one time when I was happy…

They say love is hard.

I don't want it.

Its funny how you would think that holding on would make you stronger. It will make the relationship strong.

But in reality it makes YOU weaker.

Because you know it's over.

I realized tonight that I am stronger for letting go.

Don't tell me you love me.

 If you did, you would be here

Friday, May 22, 2009

My Bucket List?

I haven't seen the whole movie, but it made me think of all the things I would like to do before I kick the bucket. This will be edited throughout my life I'm sure.

Sky Dive Write a Memoir Go to Ireland Run a marathon Go to the biggest book store in the world Participate or start a non-profit organization that helps women with eating disorders Randomly dance in the middle of a crowded place Make a stranger smile everyday Drink Guinness and eat fish and chips minus the fish in a Pub in Ireland Go to a foreign country and do EVERYTHING touristy Go to a foreign country and not do anything touristy Stay friends with anybody and everybody who has broken my heart Be Happy with who I am Write a touching letter, hide it, and hope someone finds it Not be afraid to cry Visit the Tate Modern. Ram a car driven by an inconsiderate driver. I get tired of being the target all the time for driving perfectly fine! Be honest with everyone I know Continue to volunteer and help other people when I have nothing to do with my spare time. Learn to gamble. Play at a craps table and be one of those crazy excited people screaming and yelling
Be the person in that conversation that unintentionally said something that changed a persons life (Positively) Return to Vegas and not remember it Haha Not celebrate any holidays for a year...weird right? Cook 30 meals in 30 days....then do it again.
Discover a place that takes my breath away, overwhelms me, and makes me cry.
Have mind blowing sex over and over again (what?)
Be the person who really was everything my obituary says I was

Such a long list... good thing I have forever and a day to do it all...