Monday, April 12, 2010

To gain which is worth having...

I've been thinking a lot about changing things in my life. I had a plan and everything fell apart. I was lost for a while, but I am getting my feet back on the ground and trying to figure my life out. I'm trying to go back to the person I was before. I was happy, motivated, and goal oriented. Maybe it's the rain, but I have been feeling a little down in the dumps. I moved to this place where I don't know anybody, and have been trying to figure it all out on my own. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into.

I've realized that there are things and people in my life that are bringing me down. I've been trying for the longest time to make excuses for me to be okay with the way things are and I realized I cannot do this any longer. I read back on journals from years ago where I wrote the reasons why I didn't believe this would work out. Now that I gave it a chance, I realize that I knew all along why they wouldn't work out and the reasons I wrote 3 years ago, are the reasons why I am not happy.

"To gain which is worth having, it may be necessary to lose everything else."

Sometimes you have to sacrifice something you have and love to gain the happiness that you want. Sometimes the thing that is supposed to make you happy doesn't. It's true that sometimes you have to be stung a little before you can taste the honey, but when is it too much? I am at a breaking point.

What about me? I feel the need to be selfish. I need to do things for myself. It's not always about me, but it's okay for things to be about me sometimes. They never are and if I don't give this up, they never will be. I can feel it. I can feel my patience disappearing. There is no reason to put up with it anymore. Things are not going to change. I've realized this.

Sometimes you just have to give it up. There are great things out there.

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